Staying at home with Maggie is what I want to do- I am so lucky that I can stay home. But sometimes I get antsy. For 22 years of my life I was pretty much selfish all of the time. (At least I will admit it. ) And then one day- I had a baby. My whole life changed and was kind of turned upside down. My life now revolved around my family.
My day consists of straightening the house 5 times a day, making meals, doing the dishes, folding laundry, changing diapers, and playing with a 10 month old. Some days I just want a printed list to show everything that I accomplished that day. But when the house is a mess again after I just cleaned it and there are a ton of dishes in the sink after cooking dinner and my feet hurt- I don't feel like I accomplished much.
When I worked in my old jobs- I had a boss that gave me positive feedback and I accomplished everything on my to-do list. I also had co-workers to compare myself to and make myself feel good. I interacted with people and could see the positive influence I was in their life. With a baby- I don't get the feedback. Most days- I am fine- I can take it. I know that Maggie loves me and that's all I need. But I know I have days where I just want to be recognized. Like those days where I am wearing my favorite outfit and someone comments on it- totally makes my WEEK!
Why do I like recognition? Am I really that narcissistic? Maybe because as a Mom, I sacrifice some of my loves in life for something greater? I used to be really good at tennis! And I used to be really good at the piano and practiced hours everyday. And I used to be smart- was even a valedictorian at my ghetto high school. I still love to play the piano, tennis, swim, and sew. But I just don't get to do whatever I want when I want to anymore.
So, needless to say- Wednesday afternoon I was feeling lost- where am I? I needed a date with myself. So Wednesday night, when Brad got home from Savior of the World practice, I headed to Costco- ALONE!!! at 8:00 right before they close. It was so nice. I walked up and down most aisles noticing 100s of items I wanted. I gave in to two of those superfluous items (not the Christmas tree I want so desperately). I LOVE COSTCO. I don't necessarily think I save a ton of money having a membership but I think they have amazing products and great quality that you can't get anywhere else. I go to this store for fun!
Today- Brad had it on his calendar to work from home so I could go to a piano workshop this morning. Since he was going to be home the whole day- I jam packed my schedule. Right after the workshop, I went visiting teaching. Then I went to the outlets to make some exchanges and returns. My final stop was Super Wal-Mart for my huge month's shopping. By the end of my "alone" day- I was exhausted. I was starving. I was tired. I had a headache. (probably not the best mood for a wife ;-))
I came home, made dinner, had my last piano lessons, sent Brad to play practice, and put Maggie to bed. And tonight- all I feel is exhausted-from shopping all day. Shopping is fun but it definitely does not bring the kind of fulfillment I get from being with Maggie.
I missed her so much. When I got home- she was so excited to see me and I was so excited to see her. This is really what it is all about- FAMILY! There is nothing I would rather do or work for. I loved the Visiting Teaching message this month. I love The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Even though this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do- I would bring it upon myself again and again if I had the choice. There is nothing in life that even comes close to this. Sometimes I have to step outside of my little bubble to realize just how much I love my life.
I also felt really good when I got home and the house was a mess and Brad said, "It's really hard to get anything done around here." Tomorrow- I just want to be a mom again and go to the park!
Thanks for reading the long post.
(This is what I missed today- wearing Daddy's flip flops)
